She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
