just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
