How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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