i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
