thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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