seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
