I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
