my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
