I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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