You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
