If i come over, it means nothing
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
