She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
