is your mom at the bar?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
