His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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