watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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