i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
