If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
