Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want her autograph on my taint
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
