I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
