Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
