Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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