I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
