Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
