So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
