Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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