Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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