It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
