So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
