She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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