Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
