and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
