U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
