If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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