you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
