I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
