so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
