I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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