i think my mom watched the whole time
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This baby is an asshole
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
