Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
