Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
