Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
