I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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