no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is Oprah even human
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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