if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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