Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My liver just broke up with me...
a search helicopter?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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