She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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