Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
