Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
