Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
