Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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