Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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