i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
