Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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