On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
