I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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